So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
