I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
