god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
