What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize