You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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