Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize