did you get engaged???
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
