sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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