I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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