it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
