im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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