we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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