idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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