If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
