Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize