So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
