U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
