just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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