I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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