Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Welp...herpes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
