Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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