What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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