so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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