addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
