doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
