The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
