70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
