I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he wants to bone in the snuggie
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
