Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
