And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
