Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
