Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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