Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
