maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
