Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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