I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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