I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
