Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
