u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish you could order shots online.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
