Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
