She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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