If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
