Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
