His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
