WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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