we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
