I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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