Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
