hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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