Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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