Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
