I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
