I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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