im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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