i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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