You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
