The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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