What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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