i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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