I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
