this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
