discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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