Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
