1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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