im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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