I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
