She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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