Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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