I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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