i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
