Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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