So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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