Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize