Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
