I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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