Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
