wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
