You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize