Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
