the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
