Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
