Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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