in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
