He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Pants are for mortals
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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