yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
