everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize