I can text with my tongue
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
