Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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