Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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