Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
