I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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