Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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