Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize