I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
