I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
