PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
