I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
