awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
