Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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