I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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