I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
