i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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