id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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