Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
