ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
