so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Everything about him screamed your future.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
